fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize