I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
