Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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