Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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