when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
