Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
