Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
