Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
