bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
