After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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