My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
