Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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