I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
