So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
