maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
