And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate all girls vehemently.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i need some magic done to my vagina
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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