you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
