haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
