It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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