Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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