Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
