Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
