I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
