he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
