My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You did what with his pubic hair?
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