Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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