it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The power of my boobs compel you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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