My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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