why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
