do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
