Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
