3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
