the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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