You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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