filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
