There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
