I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
