My cat gives me a boner
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
