I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
