so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
