I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
