All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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