To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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