Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
