There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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