Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
