I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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