Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
