Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
