He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Couch. On fire.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
