LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
