remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
