My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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