I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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