I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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