false alarm. still invincible.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
