My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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