Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize