oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
