She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize