not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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