He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
