I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
