You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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