He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
