Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
