And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
