He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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