It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
