Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
