How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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