i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
