yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
