Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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