remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
