She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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