it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
